A brave Mama shares her story of loss and her sunshine through the storm.

My UB story is a little different. I didn’t learn about UB before having a baby… or while I was pregnant, but only after I lost my baby girl. My daughter passed away at 10 weeks old in May 2017, just before Mother’s day, making Mother’s day a very difficult time for me. She was and still is my first child. It’s a whole story how my daughter died but not what I want to share right now.

However her passing left me riddled with guilt. I didn’t do enough… I didn’t take care of her enough… did I show her enough love? I didn’t wear her enough… would have, should have, could have. I had to go through extensive therapy just to get past blaming myself.

While I was slowly coming out of the fog of self blame I would look up things I could have done with her or for her. The best options I could have chosen. And so my UB story began. It was perfect! The kind of carrier I would have loved to wear my daughter in and have many skin to skin moments with her. I connected with this carrier and said prayers to her about it. I spoke about it to my husband. Everyday while looking up things, I checked the UB carrier out as well. I was oblivious to why at the time… but I know now… I have known for a while. It was what other parents had and I could not have… the presence of their babies closest to their hearts. I yearned for that and I could not have it.

This kind of grief is never ending just like love it’s forever. I have accepted that and I succumb to it’s demands everyday. But there are good days and that comes with it’s own hurt too.

My rainbow baby, the sunshine through the storm.

I have a rainbow baby now. Parents who have lost babies might know of this term. A rainbow baby is a baby born after a loss of a child, a miscarriage or still birth. It does not mean an absence of a storm but sunshine through the storm which perfectly describes my life. I terribly miss my daughter everyday. Everyday I am reminded of her absence and yet I am grateful to have my son and see him reach so many milestones I never got to see with his big sister.

In 2018, while I was still pregnant with my son I already knew that I wanted to be close to him as much as I can when he is a baby…. close to my heart like all the other Moms I saw with their little ones. But I wanted it to represent both my daughter and my son. I wanted a “rainbow” UB carrier. I wrote to UB and made a special request and they were kind enough to make my dream come true.

Mihlalikazi Kumalo

A note from us at UB: we are so proud of Mihlalikazi for sharing her story, it’s taken her months to get to this point of being able to share with us and we cannot express enough gratitude for her bravery. Thank you Mihlali.

Mihlalikazi Kumalo

About Mihlalikazi Kumalo

Mihlalikazi is a Mama based in East London, sharing her story about her rainbow baby.

13 Comments

  • Claire says:

    Thank you for opening up and sharing.
    One strong Mamma. xxxx

  • Gita says:

    This is incredible.

  • Olwethu Matu says:

    Ohh my friend. Thank heavens you are better now. ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’“

  • Ntyantyi says:

    Ooh maan am so emotional happy for you my choma, tears of joy are rolling in my cheecks

  • Tammy says:

    Incredibly sorry for your loss! I wish you nothing but many many happy moments with your rainbow baby, guided by the love of your angel baby <3

  • Cara Lee McLaughlin says:

    So beautiful! Thanks for sharing x

  • Robyn says:

    This is beautiful!! Thank you for sharing, & thank you Ubuntu Baba for being so amazing and making her a special carrier! Typing this as my lil man is taking a nap on me in his carrier ๐Ÿ’•

  • Samantha says:

    Wow what an incredibly strong mama, I have tears reading this. Thank you for sharing your story of your beautiful daughter and son x

  • Afroz says:

    Oh wow what a story. It took me reading this to realise that my 9 week old son is my rainbow baby. I miscarried early on in my first pregnancy and it was only then that I realised how much I wanted to be a mom. I bought an UB stage 1 carrier a month ago and it’s been a life saver for me and Emrรฉ loves it too. Thank you Mihlalikazi for your story xoxo

  • Jessica says:

    So incredibly brave Mama! I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl I canโ€™t even begin to imagine the pain you have been through.I have tears just reading this. Baby wearing is the best and I am sure wearing your boy helps in the healing process. Xx

  • Lolwetu says:

    We thank God for your son and I will continue to pray with you for his safety. Love you friend

  • Manyano says:

    Strength to you M. Sending lots of prayers, love and sparkles โœจ

Leave a Reply