There is a big difference between being lonely and being alone. Let’s face it, as a Mom you are NEVER alone, you constantly have some form of attachment or shadow following you everywhere. It’s either my son Zion attached to my boob while I’m on the toilet, or my other son Ezra climbing all over me, also normally when I’m on the toilet – the one place you would expect to be able to be alone.
So how is it possible that in the stage of your life that you are literally never alone, you can sometimes feel the most alone?
There are moments, especially in the early days when your baby is new to the world and new to you, that it can feel like you are in the trenches and there is no way out. You feel sorry for yourself as you sit in a room with the door closed feeding your baby for what feels like the millionth time, while you can hear all your friends laughing their heads off about some inside joke that you weren’t there for (why? Probably cause you were feeding your baby 😂).
There are moments that your husband is out without you, maybe it’s because of work, maybe it’s a friends birthday at a bar and you couldn’t get a babysitter but one of you had to go, maybe it’s for a family thing that you had RSVP’d to long ago but at the last second your child got sick and one of you had to stay at home. Whatever the reason – there are those moments. And you feel sorry for yourself, you feel sad and you feel alone.
Personally I am a people’s person, I enjoy being around people and I HATE missing out, so I do take my kids on the journey and most of the time I do get to do all those things I use to do, but sometimes, I don’t. Because, ultimately my kids come first. If they are sick, I stay at home. If I know they are tired, and going to bed late would be the worst thing for them, I stay at home. If they’re feeling sensitive or a bit vulnerable, I stay at home.
And I do that by choice, I do it because I love them with every fiber of my being and of course I want the best for them, but even though I do it with greatest of pleasure, I still sometimes feel lonely. I still sometimes feel sorry for myself that I’m stuck at home by myself. I still sometimes miss how I could just do whatever I wanted, when I wanted. And you know what? That’s ok!! It doesn’t make me a bad Mom, it just makes me human!
And you see, what I have come to realize is that generally when I feel or think something, there is at least one other Mother thinking the same thing. When I am up at 2am changing a poo nappy, wishing I was in bed – I know that even though I feel alone, there are thousands of other women around the world doing the exact same thing as me, that moment.
So the next time you’re feeling alone or wishing you were doing something else other than changing another poo nappy or cleaning vomit off your clothes, don’t feel guilty! You are NOT alone! You are part of a tribe of Mothers, doing their best to raise their babies – and that’s big world work.
This post was originally published here.